i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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