YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
