i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
