i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
