I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
