I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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