this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
