im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
