I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
No subtext here. People are naked.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
