my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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