I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
