I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
