My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
