I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
