I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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