we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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