Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
