he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
