yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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