Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just found puke in my bra..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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