I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
