I wannas sexs uuuuu
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
