she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
