1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
