Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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