batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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