I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
