McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
