who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm gonna have a badass scar
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
