This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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