ADVERTISEMENT

• (251): View more from Alabama

  I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.

  Fav 26 4695 993

  share tweet
  

• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.

  Fav 8 1134 3996

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (907): View more from Alaska

  It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common

  Fav 47 1681 4845

  share tweet
  

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop

  Fav 7 867 1523

  share tweet
  

• (309): View more from Illinois

  Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.

  Fav 12 964 1164

  share tweet
  

• (707): View more from California

  Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.

  Fav 1 868 558

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (904): View more from Florida

  I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.

  Fav 1 427 748

  share tweet
  

• (402): View more from Nebraska

  You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.

  Fav 4 978 482

  share tweet
  

• (253): View more from Washington

  You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.

  Fav 1 678 454

  share tweet
  

• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'

  Fav 2 297 206

  share tweet
  

• (416): View more from Toronto

  If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?

  Fav 4 17 92

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (941): View more from Florida

  You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila

  Fav 0 11 38

  share tweet
  

• (415): View more from California

  he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed

  Fav 2 71 11

  share tweet
  

• (619): View more from California

  She's still here. My penis can feel it.

  (858): View more from California

  Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago

  (619): View more from California

  FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector

  Fav 0 97 12

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding

  Fav 0 63 22

  share tweet
  

Randomize