Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
