Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
