took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
