Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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