State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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