Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
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