You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
