Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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