i barfeds in our rink
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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