I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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