Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My pussy is not your playground.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
