it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
