I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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