I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
