i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
