she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
