i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
