Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
