The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
where does the pee come out of this thing
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
